Top Five Dragons of All Time
By: Mike Roberti
Dragons are a hallmark of the fantasy genre. And since everyone loves these scaly overlords, I’ve decided to pit all dragons against each other in a battle for my heart. Here are the top five dragons of all time:
1.Mushu
It is indisputable that Mulan is the greatest Disney movie of all time. And who was the best character in Mulan, hmm? No. Not Mulan. She’s third best. Yes, after Mushu. Who else? That little cricket I don’t remember the name of. No. I won’t Google it. Anyway, Mushu was funny, he drove the plot, and he was voiced by Eddie Murphy. If that dragon from Shrek was voiced by Eddie Murphy instead of getting banged by a donkey voiced by Eddie Murphy maybe she would have made this list too.
2. Puff
What can I say about Puff that hasn’t already been said? He’s magic. He’s a dragon. He lives by the sea. These are all the things I know about Puff. But what else is there to know? He’s an open book..er…song? I think there was also a movie I saw once when I was a kid. Anyway, this is number 2.
3. Rand al’Thor
Look, I’m going to level with you. My boss is breathing down my neck to get this list done, and I am very stressed. Can you keep this next part between us? I’ve never read Wheel of Time. I just know it’s super popular and that’s how these list things go. So I googled “Wheel of Time Dragon” and up pops our number 3 choice for greatest Fantasy Dragon of all time—Rand al’Thor. I mean, I can already see why people like this dragon, his name has an apostrophe and everything. I can’t wait to read this series and learn about all the villages he burns down or something.
(Editor’s Note: Read The Wheel of Time, you donkey)
4. Falcor
At least I’m pretty sure that was the name of the white dragon thing in The Neverending Story? Sadly, unlike Atreyu, a pretty good metal band didn’t name themselves after this character, so there is no way of knowing. But anyway, Falcor gets bonus points for being the only dragon that looks visibly comfortable to ride. Plus our main character, Sebastian, chases some bullies at the end while riding good old Falcor and pumping his fist. Badass.
5. Gyrados
Someone tried to tell me Gyrados is actually a water type Pokémon that only learns some dragon moves and I screamed. Do they know how stressful it was to find 5 cool dragons? Like, I’m over here minding my business and my boss just says “Mike, get an article together about the coolest dragons in fantasy to publish 5 weeks from now.” And of course I forgot all about it and it’s been 5 weeks. But Gyrados is cool right? Better than Dragonite. Come on. If Dragonite was on this list, it would have been a total cop out. I defy you to look at a picture of Gyrados and explain to me how it is NOT a dragon.
Honorable mentions:
1.Smaug
Mid.
2. Toothless
Honestly, I don’t know, I never saw How to Train Your Dragon. It was this close for number 3 between Toothless and Rand al’Thor, but what kind of name is Toothless? It doesn’t even have an apostrophe!
3. Bruce Lee
Yeah, I’m just adding this one for SEO.
From the time he was young, Michael loved books and words.
Born in Maryland, and living there until 9, he found an early love of books and poems, and the librarians of Laurel, Maryland knew him by name. Later, after moving to Florida, he has fond memories of ignoring teachers’ lessons and pillaging classroom libraries instead.
Eventually, forming a punk band with his best friend, they put out a few EPs and even did a full Florida tour. As the lyrics writing bass player, he eventually got the confidence to become the vocalist. When the band eventually broke up, Mike did the only two things he could think to do: learn how to play Dungeons & Dragons and go to college.
Over the last 10+ years, Mike found his way to North Carolina and has been: teaching, getting married, having two kids, and playing tons of DnD. Most importantly, started writing the world of Aithe.
*All Porridge Report articles are satire and should be taken with humor in mind. If offense is taken, please let us know in the comments and we will rectify.
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