Alpha Reader
By: G.J. Terral
I’m sure you’ve all heard from someone within the reading community, “You should be a beta reader, it’s so fun!” Why? To get some loser’s sloppy seconds on something their mother probably glazed over? Stick to glazing ham, Cheryl, and let the real readers show you how it’s done. And yes, I think you, yes you, could become a real red-blooded reader— with a little bit of coaching, of course.
As a 6’2, 200lb, all-American fantasy consumer, I go alpha reader or nothing, and you should strive to do the same. I slam back my protein shakes, flame-grill my steak, and down a handle of whiskey while I’m reading the first fuggin’ draft baby.
Typos? I spot them.
Continuity? I’m sorry, but didn’t he lose a finger in the last chapter? I’ve got a finger for you if you’re not picking up on these nuances.
The three P’s: Prose, pacing, and puttin’-good-fuggin’-words-on-the-page? Yeah, I check for that like an English teacher grading an essay. And I’m damn good at it. But that should be the bare minimum.
Listen, if you aren’t the first one reading a draft, does your input even matter? Why settle for second? Beta readers are the worst of the community: hipsters who “read” the work first. They pop in after the real heroes [Alpha readers] have spotted most issues, but do half the work and get all the renown. They are the co-worker assigned to the group project who lets others take the lead and still tries to get credit for all the hard work.
Being an alpha reader means seeing the art in its purest, often worst form. I’m staring at a manuscript that needs to bulk up, hit the proverbial weights, slam back some prose-tien, and become the beast of a book it can become. It means really helping the author’s vision long before the beta readers “phone in” their opinions from the couch.
So, really consider this: Do you want to be an alpha, a reader-leader of the pack who actually affects meaningful change? Or would you rather just sit on the sidelines until the real heroes finish the work?
G.J. Terral (Greg), is a reader foremost and novelist second. His debut trilogy is The Binding Tenets and is complete as of May 9th, 2025.
He works in the solar field and enjoys many hobbies outside of writing, though writing is his favorite by a wide margin. His favorite genre is fantasy but he enjoys anything well-written.
*All Porridge Report articles are satire and should be taken with humor in mind. If offense is taken, please let us know in the comments and we will rectify.
Leave a Reply